Wednesday, 10 March 2010
Have to sort out this insomnia
Can’t sleep when I’m tired, can’t get up when I need to.
And it’s not even like my mind is busy; I’m not thinking about things, not thinking at all.
I’m not in emotional turmoil; not anymore
I’m ready; I’m eager; I’m wasting away.
Incense and nicotine; I know this won’t help me sleep; but what choice do I have?
I enjoy looking out of my window; but it’s always steamed up - even when it’s open.
I’m bored of everything you know; but I don’t think I need a change (maybe a change of hair.)
TV bores me; reading is ....blah
I have nothing to stimulate; no thoughts in my brain;
Like the hollow man.
The hollow man who feels nothing;
The hollow man who can’t make up his mind
25 years of saying this and that; 25 years of working towards a goal; towards about ten different goals –which one is right?
He’s the hollow man - he doesn’t know;
Sometimes he doesn’t care - doesn’t think about anything;
Just stands on the escalator and sees where it takes him;
Ends up in my face - but doesn’t know why he’s there.
Like I end up in front of his house – all though I know what I’m doing – I know why I’m there;
I’m bleeding myself dry.
But now I’m just hollow;
Just like him;
A hollow girl.
Wait; that’s wrong –I’ll never be hollow I am too deep.
Maybe even bottomless – there is no end to my emotions, no bottom, no floor.
Only flaws. Ha!
He’s a hollow man; whose eyes are dead; whose hands wander with no aim.
He’s a hollow man and is all changed; not the man I used to know.
I’m a girl with a lot on her mind; too much to handle right now.
So I keep it down; keep it quiet;
Sometimes I think I talk too much.
For now I’ve insomnia and that’s probably best
Probably the best thing for everyone.
For Your Information.
For Your Information, I’m not doing well
I’m in agony; I am in hell.
For Your Information, things still haven’t changed; time is moving slower than ever.
For Your Information, my hearts on the line; every morning I wake up, every evening I sleep, my heart is out there, for you to take, for you to make, for you to break.
Each morning I rise I fight the same battle; every night that I sleep I am battle weary.
My wounds will not heal; my eyes will not dry
- For Your Information.
This is not an angry thing; I wish I could feel anger.
I wish that I was a solider with a heart of stone; I wish my walls were up.
But for your information as time drags on I have to hold myself down, or I’ll soon be gone.
For Your Information, with my heart in my hand, I’ll never give up, I’ll never lie down and be one of those girls that you talk to all night, one of those girls where it’s all turned out right – like, ‘hey now were friends and everything’s cool’
For Your Information I am a fool.
I know what I’m doing and I know it’s not right
I know that I’m losing.
But I’ve played my hand - the best that I have, I have shown you all my cards.
For Your Information you had all of me, honestly, I don’t know any tricks. (Pick a card; any card)
For Your Information I am your girl, for better or worse
But For Your Information ...I’m done.
Call the incident control unit, something’s gone wrong;
Fallen apart, split in two
Call the incident control unit, this is going to be a mess,
Something tells me this is worse than all the rest.
Call Thames Water, there’s a drought in my eyes,
I think I’m crying but words are coming out;
Words and phrases and dirty looks;
‘I miss you’
‘This is wrong’
If this is for the best, like we say it is, then why does it feel so bad?
Call the incident control unit; this is going to be hell.
I’m about to combust,
I know you can tell,
That I’m finding it hard, (I want you so bad,)
But I’m trying to be strong, because, you know...I must.
I can’t dwell on the past, and what might have been,
I can’t think all day about the times we spent together,
The happiest I’ve ever been.
I can tell you though, that with you, I was me.
Now I’m just ‘ma’
Not that you complete me,
It’s not as simple as that.
With you I can be everything I am,
You don’t judge me or misunderstand.
You’re here for me when I implode or –ex-
You know how to hold me down until the next
Time that I lose it and say something stupid,
You hold me down to the ground
With your warm soft hand.
You’re the yin to my yang.
You’re the calm after my storm, now all I am is the hurricane; all I have is the rain.
So call the incident control unit, because I’m going to need some help.
I don’t know how I’ll get thought this.
Call the police, the paramedics, call anyone you know, I need all the help I can get.
This isn’t as good as I thought it would be. The words aren’t coming out right.
I’m trying to say, that with you I am me, without you I’m lost.
I’m trying to tell you I’m trying.
I know that I’m stupid, and I ask you back, but what can I do but try?
I know it’s for the best, really I do, but I miss you and I love you and I know you’re the best, person for me, but it’s not the best time.
The best person for me, just not at the moment,
The best person I’ll ever meet and I’ll stand by that forever.
So call the emergency services there’s been a natural disaster, because me, without you, is anything but natural.